House Amity
by belana-rus
Summary: Sorting of 2017 and its consequences


**House Amity**

**N/A:** this is a translation of a fic by Zmeisha.**  
**

I also thank my betas for help! You are the best, guys!

**1**

It was my fault, of course. I was a complete mess: I wanted to get to Gryffindor and was afraid of ending up in Slytherin. I tried to convince myself that Slytherin wasn't that bad, imagined what Jim would do to me if I didn't enter Gryffindor, felt guilty for not wanting to go to Slytherin… Of course, the Hat decided at once that I must go to neither or my head would explode. And apparently Ravenclaw was not a place for me. That's how I ended up in Hufflepuff.

X X X

It was all my fault, of course. I should have ended up in Slytherin. It wasn't even that hard, I did want it. Every Malfoy had studied in Slytherin since the crusades. I was so sure that the green tie was already around my neck that I allowed myself to relax. And when the Hat was put on my head I was calculating how many pumpkins were needed to feed the crowd in the Great Hall, how many… In short, this is how I ended up in Ravenclaw.

X X X

It wasn't my fault, by the way. Who taught me that a solid punch was the best solution? Who had Mum left when I was two so I didn't have any education in all things feminine? How did I get to be such a hulk? Daddy dearest: Well, if that idiot didn't comment from behind my back, "What a maypole!" when my name was called all would have been well. Maybe. So there I was, sitting with the Hat on and thinking about punching that jerk. And, of course, I ended up in Gryffindor.

X X X

I think it's an apparent misunderstanding. I wanted to go to Gryffindor. I clearly remembered that my parents were Prefects there. I was sure that I could contribute to the House success in winning the Cup. And finally, I expected to become a Prefect myself in time and to uphold the family tradition. I did everything right, and I don't understand why I ended up in Slytherin!

**2**

I knew there would be teasing. Always is. I can even sympathize: if it was someone else called "Albus", I'd be laughing too, I guess. That's why from the very beginning I decided to answer only to "Al", and let them tease all they like. As a matter of fact, I was named after two good men, it wasn't their fault that there was this queer fashion in baby names at their time. But when Professor Flitwick announced "Albus Severus", and that jerk from the back shouted, "Minerva for short!"… I just wasn't able to curb my temper.

X X X

I never knew that an unusual name could be a reason for teasing. Everyone has a different name, how would we've been able to tell each other apart otherwise? And there is nothing funny about _my_ name, anyway. It appeared as if these people have never heard about constellations. How peculiar. So at first I didn't know what was happening. It must have been a fabulous sight: that halfwit was jumping like a monkey and shouting, "A scorpion! A scorpion!" while I was sitting and staring at him trying to figure out what was wrong with him. When I connected all the dots I wondered how such idiots could enter Hogwarts. Wondered aloud. So…

X X X

My name is an exception to the rule 'cause it's a gift from Mum, not Dad. Some flower I am. If my second name was Alexandra or Josephine I wouldn't have complained. Joe is ok, Alex is ok. But Esmeralda! So I don't have much of a choice. And it wasn't my fault. If I say my name is Ben, my name is Ben. And you don't have to convince me I'm a girl, I'm well aware of that, thank you. And you don't have to check the list of students. It was a really bad idea to tell the whole class that my name was Verbena. I can give you a shiner for it. So when that redhead started teasing… She was her own enemy, and I've known all my life what to do in such cases.

X X X

It was a misunderstanding! I didn't tease her! I just introduced myself. That's what polite people do when they learn their companion's name. Yes, it was a strange coincidence that she's Verbena, and I'm Rose, but that's no reason to start a fight, isn't it? What a thug!

**3**

If I were Jim I would have been offended too. Although, it was he who encouraged me to apply for the team. He thought I wouldn't make it, of course. _He_ didn't, and he is better at flying than I am. If both of us were turned down he wouldn't have felt bad, if he joined the team, and I didn't he would have been gratified. He just didn't realize that their Seeker was a sixth-year so his team didn't need a new player while our Keeper graduated last year. Anyway, now I'm playing for the Hufflepuff team. Bugger…

X X X

If I were him I'd be probably offended too. He was in his sixth year, and it was his last chance to join the team, but I was chosen instead. On the other hand I'm less heavy, more agile and have better reflexes. Plus, if one starts playing the game when one needs to pass the final exams it does him no good. I, on the other hand, will get used to pressure gradually. In short, since I'm Ravenclaw Seeker, can I have a new broom?

X X X

I didn't do anything! I was just passing by, and they were supervising the try-outs for the team. Well, I did shout "Bush-leaguer!" a couple of times because he did miss the balls, there was no denying that. And it was a bad idea to throw the bat at me, 'cause I caught it and threw it right back. And it's really wrong to dare me, 'cause I'm very persuadable. They gave me a bat, a Bludger and said to try it myself. Which I did. Well, now I'm Gryffindor Beater, and that window in the Headmaster's office was cracked anyway.

X X X

Slytherin isn't a House; it's a Bedlam all the same. Is it ok to eavesdrop to what your neighbour is saying during the game? Is it ok to go to the Headmaster and propose said neighbour for the commentator position without said neighbour's consent? Is it ok to threaten the said neighbour with boycott if she doesn't comply? Anyhow it's not my fault that I know the rules of this stupid game better than anyone, I was just unfortunate enough to read _The Quidditch Encyclopaedia_, and all the information stuck in my head. And now I have to comment the games for the whole school to hear. I'm scared!

**4**

Lily was sorted into Gryffindor. Jim said that he'd write to you about it himself because he's the eldest, but he'll probably forget, and if he won't, it's no big deal if I write about it too. He already told everyone that Lily was his sister and if anyone hurt her they'd have to deal with him. When I first came to Hogwarts he told everyone the same thing. He must be upset that in two years no one tried to hurt me. Well, I did have a couple of fights, but I didn't tell him anything. I'm no tattletale.

X X XDeneb was sorted into Slytherin. For this reason she stuck her long nose so high she'd scratch the ceiling soon. The world has never seen such a haughty monkey. Do you know what she did? She took my hand, led me to the Slytherin Common room and announced that I was her brother and if anyone hurt her they'd deal with me. Today at breakfast some of the first-years looked at me strangely. I'm afraid she told them that I eat small children.

X X X

Vince was sorted into Slytherin. I finally had a chance to see him, thanks to dearest Mum, she could have sent him to Beauxbatons, and I'd have met my own brother seven years later. He's skinny and tiny, and his nose is kinda upturned, but he's ok. He was beaten yesterday and ran straight to me. I gave that other kid a good hammering, of course, and told him that next time I'd tear off his ears. Then that piglet squealed to the Head of the House, and Gryffindor lost twenty points.

X X X

Hugo was sorted into Gryffindor. So if a Howler comes from him in a couple of weeks, don't be scared, it would only mean that he remembered to write home about it. He asked three times already if I'd protect him if someone hurts him. I answered three times that if anyone started bullying him he should tell the Head Boy about it, but everything went in one ear and out of the other. If he nags me again I'll hurt him myself, I swear!

**5**

Why does everyone think that Hufflepuff students are stupid? Professor Sinistra listens to my answers in class like she sees a phoenix rise from the ashes in front of her eyes. Of course, I enjoy getting points for almost nothing, but it's humiliating when people around poke fingers at you and almost shout, "Look, a talking horse!" Jim says that if the Huffs used their fists more often they'd be more respected. I could have answered that Gryffs are generally known as people who should use plastic knives during meals to avoid stabbing themselves or their neighbours to death. I could have, but didn't. Why should I?

X X X

Why does everyone think that Ravenclaw is a glacier that freezes out all emotions and feelings out of its students? To tell the truth, it has some advantages, though. If an average Hogwarts student is sitting on a windowsill with a pensive expression on his face then in five minutes (in ten if he hid really well) someone will ask him if he's in love. But if that student wears a blue tie no one will bother him, everyone understand that he's just calculating the third root out of a negative number. I think this delusion can be shattered if we try really hard, but why bother?

X X X

Why, oh why does everyone treat us Gryffs like we are raving lunatics? Yesterday, I dropped a book in a corridor. Five people instantly jumped out of the way as though something might explode right this minute. Yes, I don't deny, once there _were_ three firecrackers from _Weasley Wizard Wheezes_ in my bag, and when I accidentally dropped it the resulting sound was earth-shattering. But that happened only once! During the first year!

X X X

I don't understand where the opinion that Slytherins are extraordinarily cunning and shifty manipulators comes from. Yes, I know about the historical reasons, but it's still strange. If I help someone to solve an exercise in Arithmancy I do it not because he's the Hufflepuff Seeker and if tomorrow he won't be fretting over grades he'll most likely catch the Snitch, and then Gryffindor will slide down in the overall rating, meaning Slytherin will have a higher chance of winning the Cup. I do it because the people who aren't able to solve a simple equation with three unknown parameters are killing me. And Gryffindor Seeker will be thinking not about the Snitch, but about a quarrel with his girlfriend anyway.

**6**

Honestly, it took me two hours to remember who you are talking about. Yes, there is one in Ravenclaw: pale and skinny, the first to know the answer in Potions, and afraid of every magical creature, including frogs. What's up with this Malfoy, why is he so special?

X X X

Honestly, you are killing me. For two hours straight I've been trying to remember if I knew anyone named Verbena. Then she pushed me into a wall, took me by the ear and declared that her name was Ben, and anyone who'd try to tease her about it would get a shiner. That's how I learned that Ben Goyle from Gryffindor was not a boy.

X X X

What do you mean "Potter"? There are two and a half Potters in Hogwarts. Jim from our House is alright, we're almost friends especially after I gave him a black eye. Al from Hufflepuff is a great Keeper and super polite. And Lily is just a girl, nothing special.

X X X

Do I know the Hufflepuff Keeper and a certain Ravenclaw Beater? No idea, how could I? I comment on some six sordid games a year during the last four years. I know what each of forty four Quidditch players like to have for breakfast, how they did on the last test and what kind of relationships they have with their girlfriends. I don't know only one thing: who cares about it apart from me?

**7**

Is it possible to dye your hair blond permanently, I wonder? I asked Malfoy from Ravenclaw yesterday, he said he shaved once a week, and that more for self-esteem's sake. And as for me, every evening I resemble an outlaw who has lived in the forest for a week, and every morning I look like I've spend a week in a briar patch. Maybe I should grow a beard…

X X X

It's fascinating how the perception of the gender structure in Hogwarts changed over summer. Last year it consisted of boys and girls. Now, it's boys, girls and "Wow, girls!" Some very strange personas found themselves in the last category. Something like "Wow, you _really _are a girl!" The most important thing is to hold your tongue and not say that out loud.

X X X

Can this beauty be eliminated, I wonder? I don't mean to cut it off entirely, but to shrink it somehow. By two sizes. Because I can't fly properly and all… Are the boys going to stare at me like that for my whole life? Or will it pass when I'm thirty, old and ugly?

X X X

Our boys discovered the existence of girls. What astonishing progress! Maybe around seventh year they will find out how children are made.

I had free cupcakes at Madame Puddifoot's three times. Each time I'd rather have paid for myself. And for the boys who invited me too. And for everyone who was in the tea shop that day. Are boys such idiots all their lives, or does it pass around their thirtieth birthdays?

**8**

_Hi Ben,_

_Listen, what do you think about going to the _Hog's Head _tomorrow after Quidditch and eating rare roast beef? I think after several hours on the stands a real player needs some raw meat. Anyway, what do you say?_

_Al Potter_

X X X

_Dear Miss Weasley,_

_I believe that the unhealthy situation that developed before the Slytherin VS Ravenclaw game demands an immediate and, more importantly, balanced solution. I think you and I, as Prefects and sensible people,will be able to find it after a long and detailed discussion. I propose to meet today after classes in the library and talk._

_Sincerely yours,_

_Scorpius Malfoy_

X X X

_Potter, I adore you. You are the first guy who doesn't try to drag to me to a date in a sweetshop. Soon all my teeth will fall out from all that sugar. And it's a great idea about roast beef, by the way. Usually I hit the Bludger for a couple of hours after a game, but raw meat is good too._

X X X

_Dear Mr Malfoy,_

_I support your proposal wholeheartedly. Although I would like to introduce some updates to the agenda you proposed. What if we postpone our meeting for later when the flow of visitors to the library (scarce as it is) subdues completely? I would like our substantial conversation to go uninterrupted. _

_Sincerely yours,_

_Rose Weasley_

**9**

_Dear parents,_

_I finally met the girl of my dreams. She has size D cups and plays Quidditch. My younger brother was betrothed to her a month ago._

_In short, Al wants to marry Ben Goyle from Gryffindor. He didn't write anything to you because he didn't know how you'd react. Please, react in some sensible way; otherwise these idiots will elope in Scotland._

_For my part I solemnly promise not to get married until I'm thirty._

_Your favourite son,_

_Jim_

X X X

_Dear Mother,_

_I understand that I should have prepared you for this, but I did not have the time or energy. So please prepare father on your own; you were always good at it. _

_Scorpius is marrying one of the Weasley girls. I am unable to stop it. He defeated all my reasonable arguments in thirty minutes and I did not risk bringing about the unreasonable ones. He has unpredictable reactions to some things._

_The only consolation is that they are in no hurry to get married. For my part I trust the healing power of time. Do prepare father, though._

_Your loving son,_

_Draco_

_PS. How is your flower garden doing?_

X X X

_Dear Pansy,_

_Our daughter is getting married. So please come to Britain in the beginning of August. You can bring your latest boyfriend if you want, but he'll stand out like a pimple on a buttock, you know._

_You can forward the bill for the dress to me. But have a heart, will you?_

_Greg_

X X X

_Dear Ron,_

_Why the hell are you panicking? First of all, they are not getting married tomorrow. Secondly, if during the wedding, Dad's glasses were to accidentally disappear he would not know the groom from Adam. Thirdly if no one shouts loudly around Mum she might not catch the groom's name. Lastly, you could always ask this Malfoy to drink the Polyjuice potion. Or not ask, just, you know, slip it to him._

_Stop freaking out. Send my love to your wife._

_Charlie_


End file.
